Upon discovering the old MySpace profile of their mutual acquaintance, 25
year-old Ben Doorman, friends gathered around the page as the sheer quantity of
adolescent awkwardness and sadness it contained soon became the highlight of
the evening.
“Look at this kid,” chimed in Doorman’s best friend since graduating
college, “he actually called himself "Mr. Brightside" and is wearing
a "Vote for Pedro" shirt in his profile pic. What was he thinking everyone would
think? 'Wow...look at that shirt. It's funny because it's the same one Napoleon
wore in the movie' God, he's an awful human being. His wife is pregnant. Can you imagine if she knew? She'd probably abort knowing that kid has
half his DNA.”
Doorman’s childhood neighbor took the opportunity to chime in “Does he
actually have a profile song set to "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter?!?. Look, he actually has a bulletin entry titled
‘Bad Day’. I need to go get a beer, this
is too good. Don’t read it without me. Turn down the music, everyone needs to hear
this stuff.”
Reading aloud he added, “Whenever I have a rough day I just listen to that
song and it helps me get through. I
can't wait to see what other songs Daniel Powter writes that will speak to
me. I'm sure he has a long career ahead
of him”
Pictures from Dashboard Confessional concerts, a blog about how Ashlee Simpson
is the perfect woman, James Blunt lyrics, anti-Bush rants—all were present in a
page that served as a time-capsule to what are, without a doubt, the worst
years of Doorman’s life to date.
“Look at this picture set,” interrupted Doorman’s brother, who he has
confided in on many a deep, personal issue, “He’s actually wearing eyeliner and
an ‘American Idiot’ Green Day shirt. The
only idiots are the people around him who didn’t set him on fire. Maybe us for actually hanging out with him”.
He continued “Look at this blog.
It’s hilarious. It’s two full
pages about that chick Amanda that he was obsessed with. He keeps talking about how he can’t get up
the nerve to ask her out. Hey Mike,
didn’t you bang her after prom?”
Catching his breath between laughs he added “He actually called that entry
‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’.”
Most recent reports indicate the group is anxiously awaiting the weekend
when they will meet to ridicule Doorman’s old LiveJournal entries.
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