A $30,000 wedding that takes a year to plan and a wedding at city hall both have the same end result-- a piece of paper telling you to file your taxes together until death do you part or one of you gets too bored to keep things interesting and decides to go for someone else. If you’re lucky you’ll love each other too. That’s optional. A wedding is the easy part. The marriage is the hard part.
How many marriages are the result of a desire to not live without the other person and how many are out of desire to not be the single friend anymore? How many are the product of a boredom with dating? For him:
He’s tired of the awkward dates from OkCupid and answering rehearsed questions about his siblings and his favorite place to travel. Maybe he’s tired of sitting across the tables of expensive restaurants he’d never eat any other time shouting over the background noise desperately clinging to any hope of small talk so there isn’t too much silence. He’ll pick up the tab since it’s the expected thing to do--drop $60 on two salads, a few glasses of wine, and if he’s lucky she may mention her last name before the date is over.
“Maybe she won’t be crazy and psychotic."
"I bet she hates me."
"This probably won’t work out. If not, at least he can try and fuck her. Why not? “
For her, maybe she’s read just enough bridal magazines that she knows she’s ready to be center of attention for 6 hours on a Saturday afternoon. Her cousin’s roommate’s friend there for the open bar will definitely tell how happy she is.
Perhaps marriage is the product of a long-term relationship and only seems like the next logical step. If you’re happy now, the next logical step is to commit the rest of your life. If we need a reminder that what you think you love now you’ll love the rest of your life, take a look at any outfit you wore in middle school. So the two jump in without thinking. Some people think that blindly following a gut is love is a sign of romanticism and trust. It’s really just a sign of foolishness. The pressures of handling questions such as “So..when are you two going to get married?” at every Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas give the nudge. After all, some people can’t wait to be grandparents.
‘Til death do you part. I do. Sure. We need to get this thing going. It's too late to back out if I wanted since I've already spent a fortune and everyone I know is watching. We paid a lot for the DJ and the open bar.
Love isn’t some pose on a “Save the Date Card”. After all, who wouldn’t be happy spending 50 more years in some meadow in autumn. If you think marriage will always be that beautiful, you’re in for a shock. Wedding vows shouldn’t say “To have and to hold”. They should say “Until the two of you are so bored you never consider sex as an option. Can you deal with her gaining weight and sagging 30 years from now? Yes, I said 30. Can you deal with his beer gut and pattern baldness?” This love thing better be powerful.
It sounds too harsh, so you stick to the original script.
Hopefully your relationship is as amazing as you both make it sound. Being stuck in an unhappy marriage is a lot like being stuck in a jail. In each case, you'll need lawyers to help you escape.
